My goodness my goodness, how could I forget? I was going to stick this in at the end of the last post but I figured it deserved a happier title than that. And so you get 2 posts in 1 day. Double whammy.
I LOST 4 POUNDS THIS MORNING SINCE MY LAST WEIGH-IN!!!!
4 exclamation points for 4 pounds, lol.
This is the 1st time I've been under 130 since my 2 bad, bad, bingey weekends.
Still too cowardly/desolate to change my counter at the side though.
Tomorrow, I promise.
Right after I tell you I had the best date ever and I still lost a couple pounds. Right?
Okay Dylan darling, I may have fucked up just a bit ago but I'm feeling reenergized thinking of that loss today, so I'm not gonna screw this developing thing between us up, alright?
Goddamn he's so sweet. I need him.
He has beautiful eyes too.
I hope I can live up to him.
Love to all!!!! (Hey, there's those 4 again. Do I always put 4 in?)
Bones are beautiful <3
Monday, February 28
What Have I Done?
Ohmygawdddddd what did I just do!? Just ate ate ate, that's what. Actually, it wouldn't be a problem coz it was low-cal, and not realllllly a binge, and I'm still under 500 for the day, but for 2 things. 1, DATE with DYLAN tonight. I hope I'm not so bloaty from this bread!! and 2, DATE with DYLAN tonight, meaning that we're going somewhere to...eat. Well, at least I'm full to nearly bursting now so I won't be hungry and won't each much (read: won't make a gobbling pig of myself) in front of him.
Which brings me to another problem. Guys like girls that eat, that don't always just order the salads, that aren't always checking the cal-count and asking for no-fat dressing and creamer, that can handle and damnit, enjoy those ribs they just grilled. Unfortuneately, they also love the skinny girls. The ones they can whisk up in their arms, the ones they can playfully swing out of the way, etc etc. So what are girls to do? Obviously not eat when they're not around the guys and only eat when they're there. But how much is right?
Argh I don't know. I feel like this one sandwich has blown my chances of ever being with that boy. God how could I do this?!
Well, I've 2 hours in which to prepare myself for this date, then an hour meeting. Where they're serving snacks every week of course, and this week there's 2 snack-bringing people to get offended if one single little girl doesn't nosh out on their stupid brownies or cakes or deep-fried coconut-peanutbutter-chocolate-lard-flavored ice cream or what the hell ever they bring. Blehhhhhh. Will sit on the other side of the room for sure and say my muscles are too sore from working out yesterday (hey, weights for over an hour! I AM sore!) to get up. Then I'll escape right away to my wonderful date. This will be the 2nd time he's saved my life in the last 3 days, but he won't know it this time. :)
Okay well, off to put my face on then.
Lovesssssss to all!!
Bones are beautiful <3
Which brings me to another problem. Guys like girls that eat, that don't always just order the salads, that aren't always checking the cal-count and asking for no-fat dressing and creamer, that can handle and damnit, enjoy those ribs they just grilled. Unfortuneately, they also love the skinny girls. The ones they can whisk up in their arms, the ones they can playfully swing out of the way, etc etc. So what are girls to do? Obviously not eat when they're not around the guys and only eat when they're there. But how much is right?
Argh I don't know. I feel like this one sandwich has blown my chances of ever being with that boy. God how could I do this?!
Well, I've 2 hours in which to prepare myself for this date, then an hour meeting. Where they're serving snacks every week of course, and this week there's 2 snack-bringing people to get offended if one single little girl doesn't nosh out on their stupid brownies or cakes or deep-fried coconut-peanutbutter-chocolate-lard-flavored ice cream or what the hell ever they bring. Blehhhhhh. Will sit on the other side of the room for sure and say my muscles are too sore from working out yesterday (hey, weights for over an hour! I AM sore!) to get up. Then I'll escape right away to my wonderful date. This will be the 2nd time he's saved my life in the last 3 days, but he won't know it this time. :)
Okay well, off to put my face on then.
Lovesssssss to all!!
Bones are beautiful <3
Sunday, February 27
Carpet Puddle
Hello!
I think I sound cheery on here alot. I think I just want to cheer up all the sad people whose blogs are so inspiring/so depressing that it makes me cry, both ways.
Aaaaanywho. Today was awesome, as okay days go at least. Church this morning had a lot of singing, which made me happy coz I love singing and it's such a great release. LMBO I was thinking of Dylan though...Pastor T was like, "This week, we've all done things we shouldn't have done. Let's confess our sins now..." or something like that, but when he said it, I thought of Dylan (who I didn't "do" actually, in case you were wondering lol) and smiled like crazy and couldn't stop, but I was getting these really weird looks from nearby churchgoers like, wth?! "We've all done bad things [BIG SMILE]" ??! Haha, worth it though. :)
Then after church, I had to run to the Union for the spring break trip orientation for WEST VIRGINIA!! I will be so awesome on that trip. I will love every second. Because it's a bunch of manual labor, which ==calories burned. :) Also, I just love volunteering. It fills me up. (Slight reference to Sofia's last post. :)
(I like when I can make a smiley that also serves as a funtional... um, punctuation mark, I think. :)
Also, because I've been gogogoing, not really any time to eat. There was snacks at the orientation, but I just had some carrots and celery sticks and the smallest little cute cauliflower piece there was. I was planning to work out again as soon as I got home, but I have många loads of laundry to do and 2 of our 3 machines here went kaput. You can tell by the biggy puddle that is our 2nd floor, haha. Soon's my next load is done, I might go and say eff the other 2...naw I should prolly do 1 more. Then I'll go if it's not too late. I don't want to lose the momentum I feel for the dungeon gym coz I'm no novice at losing steam. :( I'd rather hide in bed all day. Also in the bathroom, because the shower's in there.
Um, hope you enjoyed the random placement...it probably subconsciously has something to do with my scatterbrained thoughts about that handsome handsome boy texting me right now. :)
I think I sound cheery on here alot. I think I just want to cheer up all the sad people whose blogs are so inspiring/so depressing that it makes me cry, both ways.
Aaaaanywho. Today was awesome, as okay days go at least. Church this morning had a lot of singing, which made me happy coz I love singing and it's such a great release. LMBO I was thinking of Dylan though...Pastor T was like, "This week, we've all done things we shouldn't have done. Let's confess our sins now..." or something like that, but when he said it, I thought of Dylan (who I didn't "do" actually, in case you were wondering lol) and smiled like crazy and couldn't stop, but I was getting these really weird looks from nearby churchgoers like, wth?! "We've all done bad things [BIG SMILE]" ??! Haha, worth it though. :)
Then after church, I had to run to the Union for the spring break trip orientation for WEST VIRGINIA!! I will be so awesome on that trip. I will love every second. Because it's a bunch of manual labor, which ==calories burned. :) Also, I just love volunteering. It fills me up. (Slight reference to Sofia's last post. :)
(I like when I can make a smiley that also serves as a funtional... um, punctuation mark, I think. :)
Also, because I've been gogogoing, not really any time to eat. There was snacks at the orientation, but I just had some carrots and celery sticks and the smallest little cute cauliflower piece there was. I was planning to work out again as soon as I got home, but I have många loads of laundry to do and 2 of our 3 machines here went kaput. You can tell by the biggy puddle that is our 2nd floor, haha. Soon's my next load is done, I might go and say eff the other 2...naw I should prolly do 1 more. Then I'll go if it's not too late. I don't want to lose the momentum I feel for the dungeon gym coz I'm no novice at losing steam. :( I'd rather hide in bed all day. Also in the bathroom, because the shower's in there.
So, it's getting about that time of night when my resistance is lowest...must find something constructive to do...like thinspo, maybe. :)
Um, hope you enjoyed the random placement...it probably subconsciously has something to do with my scatterbrained thoughts about that handsome handsome boy texting me right now. :)The skinny girl gets the guy. And nice girls too. :)
Beauty and bones <3
Saturday, February 26
Hallo Igen!
Picture Unrelated.
I can't believe I haven't posted since Wednesday! Time is just flying by, and I've been doing awesome!!! The last few days I know my intake has stayed under 500 every single day, much less sometimes, even tho I vaped twice!! Take that, munchies! In your face!!
And, pft, Jim? He's old news. He asks my opinion and won't let me tell it. He insults my political beliefs and refuses to accept that anyone besides him might have a pov. I think I'd pretty much be done with him no matter what, but what really sealed the deal....Dylan. omfg. Sooooo cute, soooooo sweet!!! And he even saved me at the expense of a beer!! :-)
Oh wait...speaking of beer...I suppose I should mention that the above cal counts aren't including alcohol. I've noticed a trend about alcohol running through many of the blogs I read: no one counts them as caloric. Which everyone admits as absolutely ridiculous, of course, but...the trend continues. So, staying true to fashion, I don't count the calories of my drinks. Maybe the reason is because...no one really knows how-the-fuck many cals they've consumed through alcohol; exactly how much of a shot was that? How much orange juice was in that last cup, exactly? Can you approximate for me the number of calories in that sip of your friend's mixed drink that you just took? Of course not. You just drink as much as you need to get drunk, then all's well that ends well and hopefully you don't have a high tolerance. Helps though to not eat beforehand. Less alc to get hammered = less cals taken in. :-) [note: I don't promote illegal activites, e.g. do weed and drink underage. I just enjoy them myself.]
Also, went to go workout at the dungeon gym today with a couple friends. Now that I've been there a few times, it's much less intimidating and I think that I'll want to go there more often. Otherwise I was travelling across town to get to the Y, and that was always a hassle to catch the right bus and time it perfectly and hauling all my crap there, and of course finding several free hours when this was all possible.
I have to admit, I like resistance better than cardio.
Oh Dylan, my handsome, beautiful-eyed prospective significant other, you inspire me. :-) [Sorry everyone. Can't stop thinking about him.]
Oh yes, and I just wanted to make a quick note to Sofia on her comment on my last post: mmm, I actually really don't think so. Even when I was at my lowest weight, it never crossed my mind that "hey, I'm low enough now, I can eat a few fries." I mean, I totally think the same thing to myself all the time, that if I just wait longer til I'm low enough, THEN...but that low-enough number never comes, because you always want to wait til you're a bit lower. I don't know, maybe you're right. That's just my experience with it I guess. But thank you for your comment, it really made me think.
Love and bones, everyone. <3
Wednesday, February 23
Oh, Um... "Title"
Alrite so I admit, broke the fast a bit yesterday. Damn you, baby spinach leaves. At least it's only 40 cals for the entire bag, and don't worry, I DID NOT eat anywhere NEAR the entire bag. 5 leaves, at most. But still, broke the fast. The horrible stupid thing was, the only reason I did it was coz it was about to go bad, and I hate wasting. HATE it. (Purging is not wasting. It touched my taste buds once, that's all it takes. However, binging totally is.) Wasn't even really that hungry or whatnot, just ate it. FAILURE.
So between that blow and my wonderful/horrible friends, it's no wonder I didn't make it through today with the fast. My crazy friend M brought in cookies to class. Thank God they were smallish. I had eaten two before I knew what I was doing!! Have been totally good since then though. I was going to break the fast-ish tonight after Vespers anyway, coz my church friends watch what I eat. And they have no idea, go figure. I wanted to post now though, coz I feel like a binge coming on, and I DON'T ... CAN'T DO THAT!
Ugh, I can feel those cookies in my stomach, like a rock. Hurts like crazy. Ouch.
I've just realized I use a lot of sentences that don't actually have subjects. (See "Hurts like crazy", above.) That drives me nuts. I'll try to stop.
BTW, anybody know a good way to organize thinspo, or any tips? I have so much on my computer it's crazy, and I can never remember what I've posted etc. I've tried making some folders - bikinis, tattoos, etc - but there's so many, and so many overlapping, and so many that just don't fit anyway! Ah well, still enjoy browsing them, would just like more organization. (Ohmigod, there's another one of those sentences.)
Another realization: never told y'all about Jim! But I don't feel like it now, and I've no time to anyways.
Wish me luck on crushing this binge-urge, and good luck to you all as well!!
Bones are beautiful <3
So between that blow and my wonderful/horrible friends, it's no wonder I didn't make it through today with the fast. My crazy friend M brought in cookies to class. Thank God they were smallish. I had eaten two before I knew what I was doing!! Have been totally good since then though. I was going to break the fast-ish tonight after Vespers anyway, coz my church friends watch what I eat. And they have no idea, go figure. I wanted to post now though, coz I feel like a binge coming on, and I DON'T ... CAN'T DO THAT!
Ugh, I can feel those cookies in my stomach, like a rock. Hurts like crazy. Ouch.
I've just realized I use a lot of sentences that don't actually have subjects. (See "Hurts like crazy", above.) That drives me nuts. I'll try to stop.
BTW, anybody know a good way to organize thinspo, or any tips? I have so much on my computer it's crazy, and I can never remember what I've posted etc. I've tried making some folders - bikinis, tattoos, etc - but there's so many, and so many overlapping, and so many that just don't fit anyway! Ah well, still enjoy browsing them, would just like more organization. (Ohmigod, there's another one of those sentences.)
Another realization: never told y'all about Jim! But I don't feel like it now, and I've no time to anyways.
Wish me luck on crushing this binge-urge, and good luck to you all as well!!
Bones are beautiful <3
Tuesday, February 22
I Hate Me.
Okay. 130.4 as of this morning. Still working on that damn brick. :-/
I just don't understand, though! I've been doing everything right. A, maybe A- on restricting. Could do better on the working out, but I still should NOT be gaining/maintaining at an avg intake of <500 cals/day! Maybe it's coz I haven't been sleeping enough? Maybe my metabolism is just down so low between that, restricting, and not-as-much-exercise-as-I'd-like...Shit. I don't know. Just wanna give up. But give up what? Eating? Ha, I wish. Fuck you, body. Just fuck you. [Sorry for the French.]
I was walking to psych class today, and had this flashback to when I got "hit by the bike" and "scraped on the road" and "got scratched deep enough to leave scars". Yeah, right. What a whopper, but the world fell for it. I'm actually not sure how, considering these cuts were at least 3x and long and much deeper than the ones on my leg when I went into the hospital, and they were threatening to give me stitches for those.
Anyway, since the whole bike accident thing never actually happened, I was actually thinking about me walking to a different psych class on that same street in warmer weather...I was wearing cute plaid shorts. I had stick legs, at least as stickish as mine ever got. My hipbones were the only thing holding those size-3's up. I loved my bones. Walking, I could feel the weight of my clothes on me. People looked at me. People commented on how they wished they looked like me. I would lie in bed, feeling the sharp angles of my beautiful, beautiful hipbones, ribs, collarbones. I loved me. Not now.
I was reading an article, just, oh, must've been 2-3 days ago. The doctor said that a big chunk (pun unintended) of anoretics that go through treatment end up swinging to the other end of the spectrum and binge-eating or becoming bulimic. I am part of that percentage. I am sick and disgusting. I am a treatment "victory" statistic. I. AM. FAT.
I want my bones back.
I want to see them.
I want to feel them.
I want them.
I will have them.
Because bones are beautiful. <3
Because bones are beautiful. <3
I just don't understand, though! I've been doing everything right. A, maybe A- on restricting. Could do better on the working out, but I still should NOT be gaining/maintaining at an avg intake of <500 cals/day! Maybe it's coz I haven't been sleeping enough? Maybe my metabolism is just down so low between that, restricting, and not-as-much-exercise-as-I'd-like...Shit. I don't know. Just wanna give up. But give up what? Eating? Ha, I wish. Fuck you, body. Just fuck you. [Sorry for the French.]
I was walking to psych class today, and had this flashback to when I got "hit by the bike" and "scraped on the road" and "got scratched deep enough to leave scars". Yeah, right. What a whopper, but the world fell for it. I'm actually not sure how, considering these cuts were at least 3x and long and much deeper than the ones on my leg when I went into the hospital, and they were threatening to give me stitches for those.
Anyway, since the whole bike accident thing never actually happened, I was actually thinking about me walking to a different psych class on that same street in warmer weather...I was wearing cute plaid shorts. I had stick legs, at least as stickish as mine ever got. My hipbones were the only thing holding those size-3's up. I loved my bones. Walking, I could feel the weight of my clothes on me. People looked at me. People commented on how they wished they looked like me. I would lie in bed, feeling the sharp angles of my beautiful, beautiful hipbones, ribs, collarbones. I loved me. Not now.
I was reading an article, just, oh, must've been 2-3 days ago. The doctor said that a big chunk (pun unintended) of anoretics that go through treatment end up swinging to the other end of the spectrum and binge-eating or becoming bulimic. I am part of that percentage. I am sick and disgusting. I am a treatment "victory" statistic. I. AM. FAT.
I want my bones back.
I want to see them.
I want to feel them.
I want them.
I will have them.
Because bones are beautiful. <3
Theme today: in bed. coz I want to feel my bones there again.
[just realized that this may actually be a backseat. ah well, same same.]
Verrry Quick Announcement
Hello again!
Totally didn't post, like, 15 minutes ago...anyway, Sofia over at Gonna Be Skinny, Coming? is doing a fast and I'm joining her for as much of it as I can! (There are some complications for me, but w/e.) I know I don't have too many followers, but show Sofia your support, and maybe we can all fast together!
[I can't tell but I may be over-enthusiastic atm, I think that sleep medicine is kicking in. :) ]
Love and bones!! <3
Totally didn't post, like, 15 minutes ago...anyway, Sofia over at Gonna Be Skinny, Coming? is doing a fast and I'm joining her for as much of it as I can! (There are some complications for me, but w/e.) I know I don't have too many followers, but show Sofia your support, and maybe we can all fast together!
[I can't tell but I may be over-enthusiastic atm, I think that sleep medicine is kicking in. :) ]
Love and bones!! <3
Better, Much Better
Oh wow, I can't believe it's been almost a week since my last post! Probably because I've only had time to weigh myself a couple times in there. (read as: I can't summon up the oomph to get my butt out of bed in the morning until about 10 minutes before I *should* leave.) Anyways, here I am, and hello new follower Becca!! :-)
Alrite, down to business. Those couple of weigh-ins during the week were okay, each one I only lost like 1/2 a poundish but hey, that's something. Last time was...Thursday morning though I think? So I've been super-good since then, but I don't really know what to expect tomorrow. All I know is, I'll shit a brick if I haven't lost. Hm, that might actually do me some good, doesn't a brick weigh about a pound?
Some other good news to put out there (maybe): I definitely look thinner and better. In the stomach and thigh area at least. That means I must've lost fat and gained a bit of muscle, which would count for my marginal weight loss so far, and also means I've got more fat-burning capacity, right? Doesn't do any good for my goals, though.
Speaking of which, missed the mark for GWA for the Polar Plunge by a devestating amount... :( Thankfully did not jump in a bikini. I might possibly have died from humiliation. Just coz I'm thinner now doesn't mean I'm ready to reveal this lardy body to the world yet...Proud to say, though, that Fatty McCowfull didn't make hardly a splash compared to about 90% of the other jumpers. Ha. :) By the way, if you live in parts that host the Plunge, I super-highly recommend it. I was too nervous to eat beforehand, and that 4 seconds or so of freezing shock punched the ability to eat right out of me for 5 hours afterward. Plus I'm sure it did something for metabolism or spontaneous calorie burn or something. Probably. lol.
For today, I had a few bites of reallllly spicy soup, a lo-cal yogurt, a couple pcs of baby spinach, a tiny pc of yellow cake, and (oops) buttered noodles from Noodles&Co. So, by my best estimates, that comes to:
50ish + 70 + 5 + 100 + 310 (gwah!) == 535
So...not so bad. I mean, not really great though either. Will work on it. Sloshing through all this crazy snow and slush and ice burns extra cals in addition to my normal 3 mile walk and routine, I just wonder how many. None of the cals-burned sites seem to account for that. Gotta love Wisco!! <3
Kay, so, my next order of business is to catch up on all the posts I've missed, then off to bed coz I haven't been sleeping enough lately!! Bad for the metabolism!! Bad for the weigh-in!! Bad for the unstable mental health!! Bad coz since I haven't been spending much time with my bed, our relationship is falling apart. :-(
OMG relationships!! That's right, I have to tell you about my Jim outing!! :-D But next time, I feel so unfaithful to you all, gotta get readin'!
Hm, kay so, too lazy to think of a theme for thinspo. Maybe it'll come to me. But here's some!!
(whoa, lots of double exclamation pts there.)
btw, Sorry if I ever double-post some pix. I have a hard time keeping track and usually just post what I feel like I want to. Like bones, coz bones are beautiful. <3
Alrite, down to business. Those couple of weigh-ins during the week were okay, each one I only lost like 1/2 a poundish but hey, that's something. Last time was...Thursday morning though I think? So I've been super-good since then, but I don't really know what to expect tomorrow. All I know is, I'll shit a brick if I haven't lost. Hm, that might actually do me some good, doesn't a brick weigh about a pound?
Some other good news to put out there (maybe): I definitely look thinner and better. In the stomach and thigh area at least. That means I must've lost fat and gained a bit of muscle, which would count for my marginal weight loss so far, and also means I've got more fat-burning capacity, right? Doesn't do any good for my goals, though.
Speaking of which, missed the mark for GWA for the Polar Plunge by a devestating amount... :( Thankfully did not jump in a bikini. I might possibly have died from humiliation. Just coz I'm thinner now doesn't mean I'm ready to reveal this lardy body to the world yet...Proud to say, though, that Fatty McCowfull didn't make hardly a splash compared to about 90% of the other jumpers. Ha. :) By the way, if you live in parts that host the Plunge, I super-highly recommend it. I was too nervous to eat beforehand, and that 4 seconds or so of freezing shock punched the ability to eat right out of me for 5 hours afterward. Plus I'm sure it did something for metabolism or spontaneous calorie burn or something. Probably. lol.
For today, I had a few bites of reallllly spicy soup, a lo-cal yogurt, a couple pcs of baby spinach, a tiny pc of yellow cake, and (oops) buttered noodles from Noodles&Co. So, by my best estimates, that comes to:
50ish + 70 + 5 + 100 + 310 (gwah!) == 535
So...not so bad. I mean, not really great though either. Will work on it. Sloshing through all this crazy snow and slush and ice burns extra cals in addition to my normal 3 mile walk and routine, I just wonder how many. None of the cals-burned sites seem to account for that. Gotta love Wisco!! <3
Kay, so, my next order of business is to catch up on all the posts I've missed, then off to bed coz I haven't been sleeping enough lately!! Bad for the metabolism!! Bad for the weigh-in!! Bad for the unstable mental health!! Bad coz since I haven't been spending much time with my bed, our relationship is falling apart. :-(
OMG relationships!! That's right, I have to tell you about my Jim outing!! :-D But next time, I feel so unfaithful to you all, gotta get readin'!
Hm, kay so, too lazy to think of a theme for thinspo. Maybe it'll come to me. But here's some!!
(whoa, lots of double exclamation pts there.)
[right around here I decided the theme would be "faceless"]
[it's a bit disheartening, but I'm sad and need inspo for 2mro morning]
[I'm very in love with tattoos. If you find good thinspo+tattoo pix, u shud send them to me!!]
[If I'm down tomorrow, I'm gonna post my fav tattoo thinspo. :) ]
I love PJ's.
btw, Sorry if I ever double-post some pix. I have a hard time keeping track and usually just post what I feel like I want to. Like bones, coz bones are beautiful. <3
Wednesday, February 16
BMI: 22
Ugh.
Weighed myself in yesterday, at 131...that's UP!! Okay, definitely no more "weekends away" because they always end up being a train wreck! Today I had lost a pound though so hopefully on my way to a better weight by Saturday...ugh. Big job ahead of me, time to put my nose to the grindstone! No more fooling around, no more binges, no more "oh, I'll have just 1, can't be that many calories, I'm with friends so it doesn't count"! Need to crack down. NOW.
Oh. I suppose I should admit that Sunday night I had the munchies like crazy from vaping weed; ate half a 12-inch deep-dish pizza. Soooo gross.
But, I've been chugging coffee and green tea and that 3 Ballerina Tea Dieter's Drink or whatever it's called (got the idea from Sofia over at Gonna Be Skinny, Coming?) That Ballerina Tea really works, or at least does something. I drink 2 cups of that a day, and the next day it's like I've taken diarrhetics (sp?), except it's not as urgent, lasts longer, and (in my opinion anyway) gets more out. So maybe not everyone's ideal, but I'd recommend it.
Oh, and remember that Avesil I ordered a free trial of a few posts back? Well, $90 later...grrRRR. I should've known better, I was just excited to try something that might have an effect for free. Called them today, can't get any of my money back. I don't think the stuff even works anyway, I'm pretty sure all they are is caffeine pills. Which I can buy OTC for like $10. Not $90. I also got a free trial of Sensa, but now I'm afraid to open the box because of what happened with the Avesil. I think I can just send it back before the trial runs out, but then that's s&h money wasted both ways, which I can't afford after that stupid Avesil gimmick. Grr.
Weather's really nice here though, and there's been protests going on at the nearby capitol, so that's how I've been getting my exercise for a few days. Sorry everyone, though, that I haven't posted in awhile! I promise that I've read all of everyone else's new posts though. I've just said "though" twice in as many sentences. I was going to change it but I couldn't think of another way/was too lazy to think of another way though. :-)
Mmmmkay, I think I will post friend-themed pix because I've been feeling closer to my friends lately, and that's really a lifesaver for me.
Stay lovely, stay strong, stay beautifully boney. <3
Weighed myself in yesterday, at 131...that's UP!! Okay, definitely no more "weekends away" because they always end up being a train wreck! Today I had lost a pound though so hopefully on my way to a better weight by Saturday...ugh. Big job ahead of me, time to put my nose to the grindstone! No more fooling around, no more binges, no more "oh, I'll have just 1, can't be that many calories, I'm with friends so it doesn't count"! Need to crack down. NOW.
Oh. I suppose I should admit that Sunday night I had the munchies like crazy from vaping weed; ate half a 12-inch deep-dish pizza. Soooo gross.
But, I've been chugging coffee and green tea and that 3 Ballerina Tea Dieter's Drink or whatever it's called (got the idea from Sofia over at Gonna Be Skinny, Coming?) That Ballerina Tea really works, or at least does something. I drink 2 cups of that a day, and the next day it's like I've taken diarrhetics (sp?), except it's not as urgent, lasts longer, and (in my opinion anyway) gets more out. So maybe not everyone's ideal, but I'd recommend it.
Oh, and remember that Avesil I ordered a free trial of a few posts back? Well, $90 later...grrRRR. I should've known better, I was just excited to try something that might have an effect for free. Called them today, can't get any of my money back. I don't think the stuff even works anyway, I'm pretty sure all they are is caffeine pills. Which I can buy OTC for like $10. Not $90. I also got a free trial of Sensa, but now I'm afraid to open the box because of what happened with the Avesil. I think I can just send it back before the trial runs out, but then that's s&h money wasted both ways, which I can't afford after that stupid Avesil gimmick. Grr.
Weather's really nice here though, and there's been protests going on at the nearby capitol, so that's how I've been getting my exercise for a few days. Sorry everyone, though, that I haven't posted in awhile! I promise that I've read all of everyone else's new posts though. I've just said "though" twice in as many sentences. I was going to change it but I couldn't think of another way/was too lazy to think of another way though. :-)
Mmmmkay, I think I will post friend-themed pix because I've been feeling closer to my friends lately, and that's really a lifesaver for me.
Friday, February 11
So..Does That Count as an Accomplishment...? Subtitle: Weirdest Binge Ever
Wow. Too long since I've last posted. Sorry for being a bore.
So, when I weighed in 2 days ago, I had lost a quarter of a pound. That's it. That's all. Bleh. Missed yesterday due to time, but this morning...I was 2 lbs down! Yess! But, that's still a bit up from before my binge, so...does it count?
Super-good all day, only 70 cals and was pretty okay with that. The only problem was, I volunteered at a cultural sampler-type-thing tonight...did pretty well for myself, though. Y'all woulda been proud of me. Could've easily, so easily, sparked a binge too, but nope, was good. Went up for "seconds" when everyone else did, but "my plate was dirty" so I tossed the food that I had (I thought it was supposed to be a sampler, as indicated by the title of the event, but they actually tried to feed us a whole giant dinner) and grabbed a clean plate, no questions asked. :-) It's easy to get away with stuff when you're around people that have no idea. Had a great time though, made some connections, etc.
Got home and made some tea, but I was thirsty while I was waiting for it to steep...then the real problem started. Went for the orange juice (the reasoning behind that being it's about to expire)...and BAM, binge. Go figure. It was the weirdest binge I think I've ever had; it consisted mainly of a dozen gummy bears and 1/2 a quart of orange juice. There was also a bite of mashed potatoes involved, but that was pretty much it. Not terrible, I suppose, in the grand scheme of binge scales, but def pushed me over the allowed limit. I only have 8 days until Polar Plunge - what if it's not possible to kick these pounds before then? What if I'm standing there in my bikini looking like a lard-ass? What if they take my picture? AHHHHHHHHH liquid fast tomorrow. It's settled. Wish me luck!!
[I was going to post some thinspo here, but as I was drifting through the pix earlier, I got distracted by a tv show called Supersize vs Super Skinny. Now I'm watching it instead of doing more important things, like Swedish homework or putting up thinspo. ;-) ]
So, when I weighed in 2 days ago, I had lost a quarter of a pound. That's it. That's all. Bleh. Missed yesterday due to time, but this morning...I was 2 lbs down! Yess! But, that's still a bit up from before my binge, so...does it count?
Super-good all day, only 70 cals and was pretty okay with that. The only problem was, I volunteered at a cultural sampler-type-thing tonight...did pretty well for myself, though. Y'all woulda been proud of me. Could've easily, so easily, sparked a binge too, but nope, was good. Went up for "seconds" when everyone else did, but "my plate was dirty" so I tossed the food that I had (I thought it was supposed to be a sampler, as indicated by the title of the event, but they actually tried to feed us a whole giant dinner) and grabbed a clean plate, no questions asked. :-) It's easy to get away with stuff when you're around people that have no idea. Had a great time though, made some connections, etc.
Got home and made some tea, but I was thirsty while I was waiting for it to steep...then the real problem started. Went for the orange juice (the reasoning behind that being it's about to expire)...and BAM, binge. Go figure. It was the weirdest binge I think I've ever had; it consisted mainly of a dozen gummy bears and 1/2 a quart of orange juice. There was also a bite of mashed potatoes involved, but that was pretty much it. Not terrible, I suppose, in the grand scheme of binge scales, but def pushed me over the allowed limit. I only have 8 days until Polar Plunge - what if it's not possible to kick these pounds before then? What if I'm standing there in my bikini looking like a lard-ass? What if they take my picture? AHHHHHHHHH liquid fast tomorrow. It's settled. Wish me luck!!
[I was going to post some thinspo here, but as I was drifting through the pix earlier, I got distracted by a tv show called Supersize vs Super Skinny. Now I'm watching it instead of doing more important things, like Swedish homework or putting up thinspo. ;-) ]
Tuesday, February 8
Reality Seems So Impossible
I'm not sure how it happened, but I did not lose weight this weekend. *Stares in disbelief*
I was running around outside in the northwoods of Wisconsin for hours on end, snowshoe-ing and the like, yet it made no difference. I think it might've had something to do with the food there; I'm pretty sure they used lard in their recipes. I didn't think people in America still used lard. It's like culture-shock from my own culture. Anyways, I tried to eat "normal" amounts this weekend, thinking that had to be better than binging, right? No opportunity for a random binge there, and we served ourselves so I was able to give myself small portions. Of course, going back to the "normal" thing, I have no idea anymore what "normal" people eat. I certainly ate much less than the other students there, but I felt full all the same. Maybe that was the downfall. I'm not sure. I don't think my body knows either. I think it just comes up with some random shitnumber and says, yeah, that'll do for today. Wth. I feel like I have such a preggers belly rite now. I don't see how that's POSSIBLE though! (The "having the belly" part, not the "being preggers" part, coz I've had 2 periods [ugh! periods! Life was better when I didn't have them!!] since I've had sex, and also I've only had sex that one crazy, crazy time... So anyways, it's only due to my bloaty Fatty McCowfullness.) (Sad face with 5 chins.)
In brighter news, I got my Avesil in the mail. Doesn't seem like it's going to be super-effective, but hey, it was free, so why the hell not give it a shot. *Supposedly* received my ipecac in the mail today, but when I opened the box, it was some strange, otherworldly dietary supplement. WTH. So still no ipecac back-up for me. Don't worry, I've been thouroughly warned about the downsides (of which there are many) to using ipecac, but I still feel it's better than the alternative - not being able to get RID of the CRAP that I put in myself. Of course, I definitely don't plan on using it as my normal, everyday (can't think of the word...) thing, but it'll be nice to have it handy should the need arise. Just plain not eating is sooo much better, and sooo much better feeling as well. So that is what I plan to do, for the most part. ughhhhhh 11 days and counting till the Polar Plunge, I need need need to get rid of this baby belly at least by then!!
Damn lard. Damn binges. Damn cold that probably slowed up my metabolism. Damn myself, for just everything that's been going on lately. Hate hate hate me. Grrr. But tomorrow will be better!!! Yays for apples and green tea and celery!!!
Keep your bones beautiful!! <3
I was running around outside in the northwoods of Wisconsin for hours on end, snowshoe-ing and the like, yet it made no difference. I think it might've had something to do with the food there; I'm pretty sure they used lard in their recipes. I didn't think people in America still used lard. It's like culture-shock from my own culture. Anyways, I tried to eat "normal" amounts this weekend, thinking that had to be better than binging, right? No opportunity for a random binge there, and we served ourselves so I was able to give myself small portions. Of course, going back to the "normal" thing, I have no idea anymore what "normal" people eat. I certainly ate much less than the other students there, but I felt full all the same. Maybe that was the downfall. I'm not sure. I don't think my body knows either. I think it just comes up with some random shitnumber and says, yeah, that'll do for today. Wth. I feel like I have such a preggers belly rite now. I don't see how that's POSSIBLE though! (The "having the belly" part, not the "being preggers" part, coz I've had 2 periods [ugh! periods! Life was better when I didn't have them!!] since I've had sex, and also I've only had sex that one crazy, crazy time... So anyways, it's only due to my bloaty Fatty McCowfullness.) (Sad face with 5 chins.)
In brighter news, I got my Avesil in the mail. Doesn't seem like it's going to be super-effective, but hey, it was free, so why the hell not give it a shot. *Supposedly* received my ipecac in the mail today, but when I opened the box, it was some strange, otherworldly dietary supplement. WTH. So still no ipecac back-up for me. Don't worry, I've been thouroughly warned about the downsides (of which there are many) to using ipecac, but I still feel it's better than the alternative - not being able to get RID of the CRAP that I put in myself. Of course, I definitely don't plan on using it as my normal, everyday (can't think of the word...) thing, but it'll be nice to have it handy should the need arise. Just plain not eating is sooo much better, and sooo much better feeling as well. So that is what I plan to do, for the most part. ughhhhhh 11 days and counting till the Polar Plunge, I need need need to get rid of this baby belly at least by then!!
Damn lard. Damn binges. Damn cold that probably slowed up my metabolism. Damn myself, for just everything that's been going on lately. Hate hate hate me. Grrr. But tomorrow will be better!!! Yays for apples and green tea and celery!!!
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| Skinny = health. Gotcha. |
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| Celery obviously leads to pretty skinny arms |
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| This was from a blog devoted to trashing celery. I don't get it. But vanishing seems pretty good to me. And for the finale... |
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| WTH? #1, ...ew. #2, doesn't that kind of defeat the point of green tea? Ah, well. Green stuff ftw. |
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