There I Go

Well you walk into a restaurant,
Strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you're shakin' off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you
But you just want to explode

And you always seem outnumbered,
You don't dare make a stand

~Bob Seger: Turn the Page

It's a lonely song. I feel like a lot of the lyrics speak to those of us struggling with an ED.

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I ended up staying another night with Dylan. :)

I'm waiting for my roommate to get in the shower so I can weigh myself. When she does, I'll just put my weight at the end so as to avoid confusion and such. And if it went up, then you'll already know why. :-/

Here's the run-down-ing-ist run-down of the last couple days you'll ever see:

Friday
After leaving with his mom, met his dad as well, and I was so glad that there was no family bonding dinner time. Partly because of the food, and partly because his dad scares me a little bit. He's quite gruff and intimidating, at least from my point of view. However.

Left from his house to go to his friend's house; his friend is shipping out with the army and this would be the last time Dylan would get to see him for potentially years. And his parents were hosting a good-bye party/dinner. We sat there eating for ALMOST TWO HOURS. I was really pickish tho, and so I *think* I probably (hopefully!)  stayed under or around 1000 for the day.

Except for the alcohol and red bull, of which much was consumed around the bonfire that night. :)

Saturday
Dylan wanted brekkie of course, I guess his mom had already eaten but they both expected me to have something as well. So I had a glass of orange juice (110) and 2 blueberry Eggo waffles (190) with 1/2 Tbsp syrup (50). So breakfast was already 350, wtf. :-/

 THEN went back to the same friend's house where we continued to eateateat. They had Subway subs; I had 1/3 of a turkey one (with turkey picked off, of course) but I think it still had a bit of mayo. I'm going 300 on it, maybe it's high, but I'd rather go high than low. Also...we played Apples to Apples at the table and the chips were sitting in front of me with guacamole and salsa and feta cheese red pepper dip and avocado dip and I ate so so so much. :( I feel sick just thinking about it but I wasn't even full at the time.

After coming back, my good friend (who just happens to live right by Dylan's :) had a Chinese food and movie night. I didn't order Chinese but ohmyfuckingGod the smell of it burned my soul. I love Chinese food. If I hadn't stayed with Dylan last night, I would have come home and eaten Chinese till I couldn't move anymore. As it was, I still had much vodka and cola.

And That Brings Us To Today
I'll just get it out of the way. My weight is back up to

122.0

(a gain of 0.8 lbs) so just fuck my life and fuck my goal for today. I'm a fat-ass, I won't look good in the same skirt that Courtney will...Okay, comparison time. When I made my goal for today, I weighed 128. So I'm still 6 pounds down from then, but that'll hardly be noticeable. Maybe some of my lack of weight loss is actually muscle gain? I don't know. I can only hopehopehope. I'll do my best.

Thinking about this Chinese food has made me desperately hungry for it. I'm gonna go have some squash now, estimating high at 85 cals. Also need to get rehydrated, but not too rehydrated, I don't want to be bloated for tonight.

My next post will have lots of pretty thinspo, promise. :) I already know what the theme is! XD

Stay strong, all you beautiful lovelies out there, and let those bones show proud <3