< 12 Hours of Sunday

Hi again. So I guess I'm addicted or something, I cannot stay away from Blogger. Constanly reading your updates, reading comments, and now also posting. It amuses me that even my "short posts" tend to be longer than the average post. Well, maybe not "amuses"; bemuses? Whatevs.

I guess I just wanted to update on today. Although I didn't come near my cap of 800, I still feel like it was a fail of a day because I was only awake, as the title implies, less than 12 hours. In the less than 12 hours (lol sorry, I don't remember exactly what time I forced myself out of bed), I consumed:

Activia yogurt: 70
1/2 serving oatmeal: 75
noodle dish: 370
apple: 80
~total: 595

I talked to my good friend about my no Dylan/alcohol rule today. I told her that I've been feeling down and gained weight from it, and that I need this abstinance to motivate myself back into the social world. So, #1, she's being extremely supportive of my efforts, and #2, she has no idea how real depression actually works. Not that I'm that depressed right now, just the binge guilt and a bunch of shit going down at home that I shouldn't even be involved in.

Which segues me into something else that I've wanted to tell you guys: along with low morale from the whole "fam being pants-shittingly screamy" thing, there was another trigger for this messy episode last week. For my NutriSci class, we have to do this stupid "Nutritional Analysis" thing, worth 5% of our grade. All we have to do is record what we eat for 3 days and evaluate our nutrient intake. Super easy, but I had a feeling that my normal intake just wouldn't pass; so I had to make up 3 days of eating.

It was hard to reach what he said was the abso minimum I should be eating everyday. So I think my cal counts are still low for a "normal" person, but they're just so super high. That got me thinking about ...just everything. Some of the things my brain came up with were just so soul-crushingly sad...and since I was thinking about food...I guess I just kind of snapped. Which accounts for a bit of my mindfucked state last week.

But now I'm back on track. 595 in less than 12 hours is still a bit higher than I'd want, but it'll serve well to get back down to my under-500 goal from before. The hard part of the NutriSci assignment is complete. Won't ever escape from my fam, but I've got purpose now, I can handle them and anything else.

Now, for a bit more studying, sleeping, and no more posting today!!