Told You I'd Be Back

4 new followers! Hello! Of course, I only see 3. What IS that?? Wish I could say hi to y'all by name, but I don't want to leave anyone out.

Well, I promised to post again soon, and after the last one...yeah. Still here, still alive, and still fat, unfortuneately.

The ipecac did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not sure why, but it was darn expensive to not work...The laxies did their job though, quite efficiently. Barely any pain, and out in just 1.5 movements (sorry if TMI!). Didn't weigh in this morning.

So, I've decided to eat. Like a normal person. Almost. Like 800 or so a day. Which isn't normal by any means or measure, I know, but...hm, you probably know what I mean. I'll still be counting and weighing and all, I don't think I could ever stop that. But after this week I'll need to ease back down into the swing of things again. Also, thinking this morning, I realized that it was super-sad that I was more concerned with getting the food out of me than, say, OD-ing and dying in my sleep. So I've decided to actually get my head on, for real. I'm still going to keep it under 1000/day though, for sure.

Last night was Dylan's beach-themed thing. Was super-self-conscious about my tummy at first, but I was thinner than probably ...80% of the girls there (of which there were many more than expected), so I think I did ok. Also, finished my first beer ever last night; before that, best I could do was 1/2 a can. Boxer, apparently the cheapest beer money can buy...if I can make it through that, I can make it through anything!

Also smoked hookah for the first time (tobacco/weed blend), and a blunt the first time too. Craziness! But I got really happy and giggly and felt really okay about myself for the first time in a long time. I don't know, I feel like life is whipping by, and I'm just getting fatter off of it. I need to bring in the reigns a bit, get back in control. But I wouldn't turn down another night like last night.

Yesterday my dad and little brother stayed in a hotel near where I go to university, so I hung out with them for awhile too, swimming and sauna-ing and being normal (including eating...) and just generally having a good time. I don't know, I wish I could feel happy-go-lucky and carefree all the time like yesterday, without worrying about cals or weight gain or scales or fat or my stomach/legs/arms/whichever body part is worst at the moment...once I'm skinny again. Carefree...happy...beautiful...

Bones are beautiful <3